Mushrooms and polite conversation

[facelikeyours]

The days go by easily enough. Jayne makes jokes about sneaking up on Lloyd to spook him and gets his shins kicked by River for his efforts. A trip goes out to get gas for the generator so the venison can be put in the freezer, though they still rely on candle light when it gets dark, so the generator will last longer with less things to power. Zoe keeps a watchful eye on Lloyd, but does introduce him to the little girl, Emma, with her shock of ginger curls. Inara makes polite conversation, and River spends her wakeful nights chatting with Lloyd if he's also awake.

Kaylee sneaks little touches, when she can. Brushing their fingers together, or sneaking out to the barn to steal kisses. Taking it slow, but making her interest known. Things between she and Simon are as awkward and odd as ever; some things never change.

It's Simon that suggests a mushroom foraging outing, and Mal that suggests he take Lloyd with him. So Simon grabs a mixing bowl for each of them to collect in as they head out towards the woods around the house.

After a few minutes of walking in mostly comfortable silence, Simon finally speaks. "I don't think I ever really thanked you. For what you did for River, that day in the woods."

Comments

[brandnewkey]

"What?"

Lloyd is reaching a point where he has a comfortable understanding of most everyone in the group excepting the baby, who will be all secrets as her personality and grasp of language develops like all babies do. The Captain as de facto leader he has the most comfortable distance from, but Lloyd knows how to defer and doesn't say much to him beyond that. Inara is second in terms of distance, one of polite conversation and understanding. Zoe protective but steady, with a more familial sense of authority that Lloyd feels himself instinctually noting and respecting in a different way from the Captain.

Jayne is at once the most distant and in his own way the most familiar, the sort Lloyd would have known in passing in the old days maybe, but also maybe in Vegas, who would have shoved their show in some circles but stowed that shit soon as he knew Lloyd's name. So he is at once not surprised that he is the most testy but also prepared to snap back in self-defense if need be. Thus far unneeded as River Tam seems to see it coming before he does in most cases.

River and Kaylee represent two very different kinds of comfortable for him. The first the longest known but also the most strange, the most touched by the undercurrent of abnormal that colors so much of the wasteland, and therefore the most understanding of what he has come from and the state he's in. And then there is Kaylee, who feels like something familiar in an older way than the devil maycare lifestyle of his more recent years that liken more to people like Jayne. She feels like something he grew up around, the kinder side of it. So they are fast friends and speak a quieter, gentler shared language that's easy to find comfort in.

And then there's Simon Tam, the Doctor. Who at once feels like part of the group but a step separated too. Maybe owing to his profession and schooling. While sure of himself and his own knowledge there is a sense of hesitation about him, too, and once Lloyd catches how he and Kaylee tend to glance at each other he at least has one guess where that might come from. (For which he doesn't know whether to be jealous, or worried he might cause some. He thought for a bit that Jayne might be huffing because of that too but that was quickly written off as stupid and frustrated in general, not specifically centered on Kaylee.) And Lloyd also caught himself maybe looking for as long as she did, at the sure way that hand and eye conducted themselves, at the very certain shape he cut, and how even in the middle of nowhere he carried that sort of air of "culture" with him in a way that was both impressive and intimidating.

For the record, Lloyd was starting to realize that maybe because Vegas brings that out of people, virtually everyone was pretty to look at to him, now, and with the knowledge of proximity and certainty at the walls closing in once the snow started to fall, the more nervous that made him.

"Oh." A slow blink as he knelt to address a patch of morels they'd come upon. Lucky, that. "No thanks necessary. I mean, I needed to find someone as bad as she did."

[facelikeyours]

Simon's felt... confused since Lloyd's arrival. There's a bit of jealousy there, at his and Kaylee's closeness, though he has no right to feel that way. But at the ease with which they seem to get along with each other. Bantering back and forth comfortably while Simon struggles to make basic conversation. His relationship with Kaylee is complicated, full of what-ifs and almost-haves.

It takes River pointing it out, in her own way, to realize that he's been glancing in Lloyd's direction just as much as he usually does in Kaylee's. Though he's not quite sure what that means, not yet. Only that he's no longer sure who he's jealous of when he sees Lloyd and Kaylee holding hands while chatting with each other.

"River..." he starts to say, and sighs, leaning against a tree and letting Lloyd attend to the mushrooms for the moment. "River is everything to me. And she's not... well. Physically she's fine, but she has bad days. Days where all I can do is give her something for the worst of the anxiety and hope for the best. And I know it's not just an anxiety disorder, or just PTSD, it's a whole host of problems, but I have limited resources to work with.

So for her to have found you that day, and for you to have sat with her. Stayed with her. It probably saved her life, not to put too fine a point on it."

[brandnewkey]

"I think she saved mine more than I saved hers, if we're bein honest."

But Lloyd gets it. He knows she sees more than most people and the variety of persons he has met with that kind of ability all deal with it differently and with a different level of experience. She feels greener than most, and that probably doesn't help.

"I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, like some musicians have said, Doc," he muses, trying to inject some humor in what already feels like a heavy subject, "but I know it's next to impossible that family members could make it out of the plague together period. The fact that you two ARE with each other and still kickin ain't nothin short of a miracle, whatever the case. So no one ought to be surprised you're as attached to your family as you are. She ain't in no danger from me. But also if you two are gonna come out here and forage maybe think of giving her a bell or a whistle or something because she's quieter than a deer."

[facelikeyours]

"You are..." Simon pauses to laugh and shake his head a little at the comment. "You are not the first person to request that I put a bell on River. She's a dancer, so she's learned to be very light on her feet. Even in those boots she wears. And she gets -- everywhere. I've found her in the rafters of the barn more than once. She likes being up high." But it's all said with a sort of fond exasperation that is special to siblings.

"Either way, I'm glad you two found each other. You seem to be settling in well?" It's half a question, looking at Lloyd carefully. Not scrutinizing, not exactly, but studying like a doctor might watch a patient.

[brandnewkey]

"When I first found her she was staying put because she didn't know how else to make it easier to find her. Give her something to send a signal over longer distances and you'll both feel better."

Lloyd is gonna have to remember that bit about the rafters, though, since at least a couple times he and Kaylee had stopped in the barn to have just a quiet, warm place to be alone away from the house.

"I'm...well it's hard not to, everyone's been so nice." He focuses a little harder on what he's doing, making sure he picks as much as possible of each morel and cleans them off thoroughly. "...World's not a safe place to get on by yourself for long in. I'd rather belong somewhere than not."

[facelikeyours]

"I'm glad -- I think all of us are -- that you found us. The crew -- as big as it is -- had been feeling small after the loss of two of our crewmembers. We needed someone not to replace those people, but to... to start healing, I think. Especially after everything else that's happened.

And -- River likes you, she trusts you. And the rest of the crew is starting to listen to River's input a little more, so..." He trails off, brow furrowed, unsure where his train of thought was headed exactly.

"I'm glad you're here. Is what I'm trying to say."

[brandnewkey]

It's hard to say why, exactly, that hits like it does. Where Lloyd realizes he's quite glad that this person in particular is happy that he is there. Maybe because he picked up some hint that his presence might be unwanted because of Kaylee?

That doesn't really explain why it leaves him feeling a little hot under the collar, though.

He clears his throat, eyes dropping back to the task at hand again.

"...Me too. To be here. That you--people're glad."

[facelikeyours]

"I'm not sure about Jayne, but then again I'm rarely sure about Jayne. I think he's only truly glad when he's able to punch someone. Or shoot at something. He keeps grumbling about target practice and we keep having to remind him that ammo is limited.

He does, however, sometimes practice his knife throwing at a tree in the back yard. So, you know. Be mindful of that."

[brandnewkey]

"I'll be sure to bear that in mind," he quips with a little smile. Leave lone that he definitely grabbed ammo for his glock when they hit down, right alongside shells for the hunting rifles.

[facelikeyours]

Simon crouches and starts gathering acorns off the ground for something to do, since one of their new guidebooks said they could be used in a variety of ways. And he feels... restless. Like he needs to move, to do something with his hands.

"How have you been doing, by the way? Since the hunting trip, I mean. Any other attacks, or have things felt like they're evening out a bit more? I'm not a psychiatrist, by any means, but if you're still having symptoms, will you let me know? The least I can do is try and treat those."

[brandnewkey]

Lloyd finishes cleaning and harvesting the cluster, already looking around for any others hopefully nearby.

"I haven't gone hunting again yet or had any real reason to use a gun," he reasons, trying to sound detached. "So no repeats, no." But it's probably the clearest indication he can give without really explaining it that he knows exactly what caused it. He can't exactly forget everything that built up to it.

[facelikeyours]

"PTSD is a tricky thing. We may not always know what is going to trigger us. Sometimes the colour blue bothers River, and sometimes it doesn't. I don't know if it's a certain shade, or what it is about it that triggers her, and I don't think she knows, either.

My point is, if you do start feeling symptoms again, at any time, I want you to know you can come to me about it."

[brandnewkey]

Lloyd puts his knife away, swallowing as he feels something in his stomach drop. "I killed somebody, doc. I don't know what else is gonna take me back there. But I'd kinda like to not visit it right now, either, so let's not talk about it no more."

[facelikeyours]

"I apologize, I didn't realize -- " Simon swallows hard and rubs at the back of his neck. "I'm sorry for pushing. We've all had to do things since the start of this whole -- situation that we wouldn't do otherwise.

But you're right, we don't have to talk about it.

Tell -- tell me how you came about learning to forage? I had to pick it up along the way, when I joined the crew."

[brandnewkey]

It's a good subject change, enough that his entire demeanor only takes a few moments to fully shift. "Where I grew up, kids spend most of their summers outside til the street lights come on and the fireflies are out. If you don't have money you're probably finding things to eat. You learn from your parents or other kids what's safe or not. Mushrooms, berries, honeysuckles. My dad used to go on hunting trips when it turned cold, too. You kinda pick a lotta stuff up."

[facelikeyours]

"I'll be honest -- River and I come from a very well-off family. We'd go berry picking in the summers, but it was for fun, not necessity. Just something to keep us busy and our of our parents' hair. Elderberries, mostly. We had a neighbour that grew wild strawberries." He smiles at the memory, carefully picking acorns out from among dried leaves. "River always convinced me to go steal a few, when we went out on our adventures. Always a troublemaker."

[brandnewkey]

"Bit late in the year for those," Lloyd mutters with a look of mild unhappiness. It was lucky that he was finding any on the day he ran into River. But strawberries would be good right about now, too. "Was kinda shocked to find any out here, but it's not like I keep up on what grows where. There's some kinds of berries that I hear grow in the winter but I ain't no expert. Betcha there might be like...books or something. Specially at hunting stores or the like. Or what's left of them. Doubt scavengers are picking things like that dry, even if it'd probably be smart to grab."

[facelikeyours]

"I know," he agrees with a sigh. "They're Kaylee's favourite, too." And then he blushes a little at admitting that knows that about her.

"That's actually a very clever idea. I doubt many people are taking books -- most wouldn't think of it. But a guide book or even a gardening book would be helpful. Unfortunately most of the guide books we've found in the house are on bird watching. Which is... useful for passing the time. I suppose."

[brandnewkey]

If there were any greater use for such a thing, Lloyd is definitely not the one to suss it out. He takes notice then of Simon gathering acorns.

"Oh, that ain't a bad idea so long as we can boil some water."

Which shouldn't be hard. Even if they didn't have a working stove, getting a fire going wasn't too difficult.

"Come to think of nuts and the like I betcha chestnuts ain't uncommon around here either."

[facelikeyours]

"Just trying to make myself useful," he says with a somewhat shy smile. "I was gathering in the hopes that we could do something with them. But you're right, we could probably find some chestnuts around as well, if we looked for them."

[brandnewkey]

"Acorns ain't edible at all if you don't boil em a couple times first, like near poison." He wished he had the proper terms but he just knew it because of how his father explained it to him as a kid. "They're super fuckin bitter." Not...from personal experience, no. "Kinda like wine but worse."

Even if wine was that bitter at least it got you drunk.

"You cook em down til the water runs clear then roast em."

[facelikeyours]

"I never would have guessed that. You may have just saved me from trying to poison the entire crew, so thank you for that.

It's the tannins in wine that make it bitter, so acorns may have an excess of tannins. Which, in turn, would make it poisonous. Though to be fair, most alcohol is poisonous in excessive amounts. I've seen my fair share of alcohol poisoning, working in the ER."

[brandnewkey]

"Yeah that's the word."

He heard it on TV once or twice. It was why some snobby people paired specific foods with certain wines. More fat made the tannins less strong or something.

"But like for serious if someone eats one raw and keeps eating them that's on them, you feel me?"

[facelikeyours]

"That bad, really? Well, some things are bitter to keep us from eating them, I guess. Though we do boil stinging nettles to make into salads, so that says something about either our resilience or our collective intelligence as a species."

[brandnewkey]

"Well it's the one thing we do that for sure animals don't. Some better than others, though." Because he has started a fire trying to boil water in a microwave before. Which as far as he is concerned is talent. "As for chestnuts...sure would be helpful if I had any goddamn idea what those trees looked like."